How did I come to be coordinating the network for Fitness, Well-being and Movement Meditation to Scripture? I think if I was God and I was choosing someone to have a ministry in fitness and well-being, that I would choose someone who was doing pretty well in these spheres. Quite likely I’d opt for someone who already showed flair and who had a good track record. However, we know, don’t we, that God chooses those who are weak. This way, we can know for sure that it’s by His mighty hand that we become what we are in Him.
You see, when it comes to fitness and well-being I was doing quite the opposite. Now I promote a compassionate connection to our bodies, to feed them well on the Word of God. Not so many years ago, I was starving my body and depriving my soul. I didn’t know how disconnected I was from myself and from my God who longed to heal me.
From age fourteen I was on a slow slide into Anorexia Nervosa. I battled my body, fighting hunger and ignoring my soul’s deepest cries for nurturing. I reached my first very low point at age twenty. I specialized in depriving myself of food and often water as well. Fear and hatred compelled me as I set up food and my own flesh as my enemy.
I was sabotaging my own fitness and well-being in a desperate attempt just to feel OK in the world and within my own skin. Anorexia though is a torturous world and it only made life worse. Some Sundays at church I was too depleted to stand up and too breathless to sing in worship. I felt far from God and rather alone in the world. Some days I’d cry in frustration because I wanted to eat well, but I couldn’t let myself for the harsh constraint I felt within me. I came to realize that Anorexia itself wasn’t my actual problem and the gift it gave was to bring me face to face with my own deepest hurts and insecurities.
The good news is that I found another way to feel OK about myself and about life. The good news is, Jesus and I put myself in His hands. After years of ups and downs, I presented myself to Him, with the mess I’d made of my life and I chose His way. He’s been patient to heal and restore me. The world had nothing that could heal my heart. Our God is the only one who offers true Shalom well-being.
All this is why I am passionate and excited for this ministry of connecting deeply and bringing the living Word of God into our very soul. We breathe and stretch and let in the Spirit of Truth that brings freedom. What a way to come to know our wonderful Lord more and more!
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I don’t plan to always put up photos of me, but I thought this one shows freedom and joy and comfort within my own skin. 🙂